Hi, I'm Sam. Here's my story
First things first, I'd like to address the title of this blog - Sam's SoloCoaster.
It's my attempt at a play on words to include my personal love for rollercoasters, and the fact that I am riding the coaster that is solo parenting after my loss.
​
The previous title of the blog was Happiness in Grief. That might sound a bit strange and honestly, if you had told me a year and a half ago that I would use the words 'happiness' and 'grief' in the same sentence, I wouldn't have believed you. I suppose that's one thing I've learned after a bit of time has passed, despite the daily pain and heartbreak that's still sometimes quite heavy, it is actually possible to feel moments of joy and even happiness. Which is why I decided to change the name of the blog, because now that I am several years into my grief journey, I feel that it no longer defines me. Yes I have managed to find happiness in grief, but I didn't want this whole space to be only about grief, because there is so much more to my life that just that.
But I hope that by sharing my story I can give people going through similar experiences a bit of hope that life can and does continue on after a loss.
I was born in Geneva, Switzerland and have been fortunate enough to live most of my life in the picturesque country. I met Ric in August of 2014 and we instantly had a connection, it was so easy and it just felt like we had known each our whole lives.
We spent a couple of years in Edinburgh, Scotland learning how to be software developers (his thing, not mine) before we made our way back to the german part of Switzerland for a couple of years. Life was good, we went on fun road trips and stunning hikes with our friends, we got our little dog Nessie, got our dream car (Tesla Model S). Yep, life was good, until things changed.
I suppose it's the super cliche thing to say that you never think cancer is going to happen to you, especially not so young. But at the age of 29 (and in the same year we were married), I became a widow. I lost my best friend on the 18th of July 2021 - just two months after welcoming our son to the world. Brand new first-time mom and fresh grief was a nasty combination let's just say that, but I am forever grateful that I had my family close who helped me tremendously with little J during those first few months of shock and denial. It was colon cancer that took my Ric from me, at the much too young age of 28! Diagnosed straight away with stage IV in October 2020, we fought it as hard as we could but sadly things had spread so badly to his liver that there was nothing to be done. I'm so thankful that he was able to be there with me when J was born and that he got to meet his little boy. The whole 'journey' lasted just over 9 months. I watched Ric go through emergency surgery (resulting in a stoma), chemo and a drug trial. I was there with him during every treatment, through all the nasty side effects, I watched him suffer and try his best to fight that evil thing. Ultimately however I ended up having to make the decision to put him in hospice care, where I would later watch him leave this world in front of my eyes.
So I guess that's a brief overview of my story. It's now a year and a half later and I'm still picking up the pieces, but I think me and J are doing good now. I'm back doing my sports, and starting to work on my own projects. I think that's my main reason for having this little corner of the internet, so that I can hopefully help others going through something similar and to hopefully give a little bit of hope and to show that as hard as it is, life does continue after loss and you can still find happiness in grief.